Have a....uuh....a good Christmas.

It's Christmas time again. I love Christmas time. It is a time to celebrate the birth of our saviour, despite the ACLU's attempts to nullify our salvation.

Some other things I love about Christmas is the music. Of all the genres of music, Christmas music is probably the most satisfying to me. My radio is currently turned to KZST, which during this season plays all Christmas music. Good stuff.

There is one song that is played rather frequently on KZST. It always starts rather suddenly with the enthusiastic voice of Alan Jackson yodeling through the boombox. The song I speak of is entitled "Holly Jolly Christmas"

The song itself makes absolutely no sense at all. Let's take a closer look...

Have a holly jolly Christmas

What exactly is a 'holly jolly' Christmas? Ok, well I'm inherently going to have a 'holly jolly' Christmas. I have one every year. Not only that, I have a Holly jolly Thanksgiving and a Holly jolly 4th of July and a Holly jolly Hannukah...but what of everyone else? Unfortunately, not everyone can be me for Christmas. They'll have to settle for just a plain ol' 'jolly' Christmas.

It's the best time of the year

Totally subjective. Jews, Jehovahs witnesses and the ACLU don't even celebrate Christmas, why should this time of the year be better than any other for them?

Well I don't know if there'll be snow

Welcome to my city. You, in fact, do know there will never be snow.

But have a cup of cheer

Cheer is abstract. It is not tangible. You can't put it in a cup any more than you can put love, dreams, remorse or music in a cup. You can't drink it either, cheer has most definitely not been approved by the FDA...

Have a holly jolly Christmas
And when you walk down the street

You should be inside on Christmas. Inside with your family. What are you doing on the street?

Say hello to friends you know

That's not fair. What about friends that I don't know? And what are my friends doing on the street?

And everyone you meet

Mommy said never talk to strangers...

Ho ho the mistletoe
Hung where you can see
Somebody waits for you
Kiss her once for me

Eeeh...First of all, I don't think anyone will wait for me under mistletoe. Those who know me well enough would know I would never comply to such behavior, and those who don't know me....well...would certainly not be waiting under mistletoe for me. Aside from that, I highly doubt someone waiting for me under mistletoe would be a her.
And who is 'you' anyway? Kiss your own, I'm not doing it for you.

Have a holly jolly Christmas
And in case you didn't hear

I heard. It's at the beginning of every verse. How could I not have heard?

Oh bygolly have a holly jolly Christmas This year

Well readers, you heard the guy. I hope you all have a holly jolly Christmas...

Or...whatever your name is.

-Hol