Happy Thanksgiving to our Reader[s]

The Gaggers would like to wish you all a wonderful Thanksgiving....


...


Have a Wonderful Thanksgiving...


-GAG

Another Very Special Day

Recently we celebrated the 18th birthday of our beloved fellow GAG member, Aranel. 18 is a big age. It's the age you can vote, be held legally responsible for crimes (which I'm afraid isn't good considering she's writing for this site) and the only age where you can say "I'm 18" when someone asks you.

But 18 is not the only major milestone in life. In fact, we here at GAG think 16 is a major one too. It's the age you can legally get your license in this state, the age you can legally work, and the age you can say "I'm 18" when someone asks, therefore getting away with whatever you were hoping to do underaged.

Which is why we feel it be important to say "Happy 16th Birthday, Tyler!" GAG wouldn't be the same without your randomness, your rants, and your spacey beanishness. We're very glad you're on the team and are happy we get to celebrate this momentous occasion with you. Would you like to say a few words?

Actually, yes I would.

There, was that a few? :P

It was a few. Good job, Tyler. We're proud of you. We hope you have a supercalifantabulous birthday, and a great 16th year of existence. :)

Now go have some ice cream ;)

A Very Special Day

Hi Sarah! ( or Aranel ;) )
Happy 18th birthday! Your two GAG colleagues decided that they wanted to do something uber-special for your 18th birthday, so they went behind your back and engaged in top secret covert operations to produce a three-page birthday card with contributions from lots of your friends! It doesn’t have any money in it, but we think the comments are nice enough that you’d probably rather have them than moula, aye? Then we decided to post a sample of the card here on GAG so that even MORE people could add to it! We’ll be e-mailing you a copy of the card too (with pictures!) and if more comments come you can add them and then print the card out on pretty paper and frame it or make it into a book (or perform experiments with it =D).

We love you and wish you the best on your 18th birthday!!!!

Without further ado, here’s your card!

-GAG


HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARAH!!

18 Years


Sarah, you’re so sweet, funny and an awesome person. I’m so glad we became friends!!
You add a lot of color (literally and figuratively!) to wherever we happen to be (and whatever mischief we are in to =D), and your personality is ‘electrifying’ ;-). May the Lord bless you and reveal Himself to you more this new year of your life.
Happy 18th, Sarah! Love ya!

-Holly Trujillo


Sarah's a well-developed, thoughtful, caring person. I wish her a great 18th!
-Travis


Happy 18th, Sarah. Your gentle spirit and loving demeanor are appreciated by all of us; ay God bless you as you enter legal adulthood. -Cody Herche


Sarahhh Hiura!
Rumors are going around that you're turning 18. That means you can vote, and be held fully resonsible for any crimes you commit. I just want to let you know that whatever anyone else says, I still say that you're not guilty.
You're a great debater, and you're braver than I am. And even though you don't like onions, and sometimes can't tell what color a flyer is, I still think you're cool. Have a Happy Birthday! Or, en Español, tenga un feliz cumpleaños!

Your friend,
-Steven Reynolds



Sarah is compassionate and graceful. She is a ton of fun to be around and a great friend!
Happy Birthday Sarah!!!
Your Friend,
- Isabella

Sarah I think you are very sweet and I loved sharing a hotel with you and your mom. Happy Birthday!!!

-Lauren


Happy 18th Birthday Sarah!!!!!
I can't believe I known you not even a year yet!! I feel like we've known each other forever- it's been so fun knowing you and hanging out at tournaments, RRs, and at camp. You are so sweet and encouraging to everyone at tournaments- and we all love you for that! So here's to saying- have a great birthday, and hope to see you weally, weally soon!!!! Love ya'! God Bless
~ Kate :-)


"Happy Birthday! May turtles never steal your clothing in public."
-Tyler


Sarah Hiura,
Although I haven't known you for long, it was pleasant to meet and hang out with you and Holly. I hope you have an excellent birthday, may God bless you this year :).
-Mark




Dear Sarah,
Thanks for being such an amazing friend. I enjoyed getting to know you this year, and I can't wait to see you again! Have a great birthday!
Your Friend,
~Deborah


You are such an awesome person I don't know where to begin. I thought about mentioning your creative xanga name, but decided that that wasn't good enough. i could talk about you skill as an LDer, but we don't want to make others feel jealous;-). So I decided to tell you about how much you mean to me as a friend. You always somehow seem to be there right when I need you most. Whether it's you thoughtful comment on my xanga or your always uplifting smile, you have been a beautiful ray of sunshine in my life and I know that you will become brighter every year. Happy Birthday, and may God bless you with enough years to brighten the lives of all those damp souls in this world. You have brightened mine. =D

-(Inherently) Mary York




Sarah,
I’m very happy that you turned 18 and I love you very much.
We have lots and lots in store for the Colorful, cheerful, scientist :D
-Claire.

Because we're so special =)

Q) What's the difference between men and women?

A) Women get an international holiday! And men don't!!

Note: Any stereotypes are for humorous purposes. Aranel and Hol are not feminists, and do, indeed, love the dudes in their lives (In a very homeschooled type of way that is) If anything in the post insinuates that men are idiots, then we didn't mean to say that out loud...

Today so happens to be that international holiday, so we're going to do a special post on why the women in your lives should be celebrated.


Here's to Women because ...

• Your mom is a woman.
  
• Three words...P, M, and S.
  
• Without women, there would be a scarcity of flower shops and chocolate factories
  
• Without women, there would be a scarcity of other human beings
  
• Not celebrating women makes women mad
  
• Mad women are unsafe
  
• Men would not feel guilt without women.
  
• Without women, dinner would be lunchables and top ramen
  
• Without women, the color pink would serve no purpose
  
• Without women, things just wouldn't smell good.
  
• Without women, men would have no reason to slay dragons.
  
• Women are just plain nice.
  
• Women look better in dresses than men do.
  
• If not for women, the laser printer, the bullet-proof vest, the Red Cross and the pouty lip would not exist.
  
• Giggling would cease to exist without women.
  
• Ya just can't live without women
  

So there you have it, folks. you see a woman today, give her a flower and a hug.
She might sue you for harrasment (for hugging her) and vandalism (by picking a flower from someone else's property), and she'll probably win (because she's a woman)

But at least you showed you cared!

Happy Day to all women!

~*Hol & Aranel.

A Valentines Day Crisis

Greetings Readers,

Some of you may have been aware that yesterday was Valentines Day. You probably either heard about it from your nagging girlfriend, the nasty-smelling boy who sits next to you in Geometry and told you in a little card he made out of kleenex and red crayon, or by joining the G-talk Anti-Valentines Day club, where G-talkers all over Jeana's buddy list changed their avatars to the fallen cupid with an arrow protruding from his back.

While some of you were out with your sweethearts, or little siblings, depending on your social status, I was at Touche speech class, discovering a horrible truth about one of the most popular icons of Valentines Day.

The NECCO company boasts "Fine Candy Since 1847" and is the manufacturer of the well known "Conversation hearts" frequently seen, read, eaten, and spit out on Valentines Day.

These were being served as part of snack at speech class. I was in the middle of telling a friend that they tasted like chalk when I picked one up, and looked at it to read the message.

"Sweet Talk"

My friend jokingly suggested that I find a chalkboard to see if my theory was true. Well, there was no chalkboard nearby, but there was a little bit of sidewalk in the courtyard, so I hopped over to it to test my hypothesis.

Alas! I was able to write my name in clear letters as if writing with a chalk stick! That's when it hit me.

Millions of children ever since 1849 have been taking one day a year and stuffing themselves full of calcium carbonate, and NECCO hasn't been held accountable for it. We might as well be feeding our children limestone, or marble. Heck! Why not start making conversation hearts out of coal? It's a lot cheaper and equally nutritious.

This second half of my gripe against NECCO is more political than medical. On their website, they advertise new conversation heart sayings for 2007.

They are:

"My pet"

"Bear hug"

"Go fish"

"Love Bird"

"Take a Walk"

"Purr Fect"

"Cool Cat"

"Top Dog"

"Puppy Love"

"Ura Tiger"

Is it just me or is there a pattern here? All of those sayings have something to do with animals. Clearly we can see that NECCO is anthropomorphizing animals and putting them at an equal value as humans. Since these are, in fact, "conversation hearts", the new sayings suggest that we should be having said conversations with our animals on Valentines Day. Not only that, but the conversation hearts are no more than pet food!

So this message is for you, NECCO. If you don't ban your products from the market, at least put warnings on the hearts themselves as to the risks your victims are in for. Feel free to use your little grammatically incorrect abbreviations

"C Doctor B4 Eating"

"Y Not Veggies?"

"I Am Chalk!"

"Dog Food"

"DONT EAT ME!"

You better watch your back, NECCO, we're on to you.

And as for saving the lives of Valentine-goers '08...You're welcome

~Hol

'Tis the Season to have Nitrous Oxide Fa la la la la....

Hey everyone! Today is February 9th! So we here at GAG would like to wish all of our readers and fans a very Happy Toothache day!


What do you mean you've never heard of Toothache day?

No seriously, we didn't make it up...

In preparation for this momentous occasion, I have been eating sugary candies and not brushing my teeth since Christmas! (And of course I expect my two colleagues have done that to an extent as well since they know how much this holiday means to us all)

Some of you may be wondering why this holiday is so important to recognize. It's more symbolic really. It symbolizes the fact that we as Americans can eat sugary candies to a sickening point and still be proud of who we are, not ashamed of what we eat or how many teeth we have left when the year is done. It symbolizes that our teeth have the same right to rot as we humans have the right to free speech, free press, and openly griping about Nancy Pelosi. It symbolizes a bond we share with our mother-country, England (who apparently celebrates this holiday year-round). Additionally, if you happen to be Buddhist, then you already believe that pain is the road to life, so it's a double-whammy celebration for you!

In a practical sense, we are putting bread on the tables of dentists and their families, and if we're so blessed as to have one of our rotted teeth fall out, we'll make some extra moulah off of the tooth fairy.
So we hope you have a great holiday, and be of good cheer.

Now if you'll excuse me, I urgently need to go put bread on my dentist's table...

~Hol

Our New Year's Resolutions - 2007

Continuing in the spirit of New Years, we here at Give A Gripe would like to give you our New Years resolutions so that you may be inspired and gain new ideas of how you too can change your life for the better. Or at least change it for the different. Maybe even change it for the same...See? The possibilities are endless!!

"I resolve to become ambidextrous by '08."

"I resolve to eat a camera. They add ten pounds, you know."

"I resolve to never eat a duck before smelling it."

"I resolve to never walk on the ceiling."

"I resolve to not use lame comebacks in response to lame insults."

"I resolve to not store my ice cream cone in the glove compartment of dad's car."

"I resolve to never waste all my money at Starbucks... more than once a week."

"I resolve to never exaggerate the truth... unless it makes for a really good cover story."

"I resolve not to look a gift horse in the mouth."

"I resolve to figure out what a gift horse is."

"I resolve to make up more insidious names at Starbucks."

"I resolve to master the Light Side of The Force."

"I resolve to not hit my little brother with anything heavier than 3 lbs. any more than three times."

"I resolve to never use a sticky note as Kleenex... again."

"I resolve to eat an apple a day to try to keep the doctor away forever."

"I resolve to not look at the sun for more than 5 minutes, in an effort to not burn out my cornea, before I'm 30."

"I resolve to wear sunglasses when I stare at the sun."

"I resolve to wear a hat at least once a year."

"I resolve to not go outside in my pajamas...at least when people are around."

Resolved: That something becomes significantly reformed or abolished (And lasts til at least February...)

Greetings Readers,
Today marks the beginning of a new year, and people all over the nation are looking forward to a fresh start and modified lifestyles that will probably last as long as one of those goldfish you win at the fair...

We here at Give a Gripe, however, intend to keep our resolutions, and would like to give you tips as to how to keep yours until '08.

1. Set Goals that Contradict Goals.
I think it's safe to say the most common resolution is to lose weight. If you resolve to do something like lose 10 pounds, you're already on the wrong track. First of all, once you lose those ten pounds your going to have to keep it off, or else it'll be worth nothing. You will most likely fail, get depressed that your weight isn't changing, and then eat a pound or 4 of chocolate to feel better. Then, after eating to feel better, you'll feel worse, because now you've gained ten pounds because you resolved to lose ten pounds!
It's better to resolve to gain weight in very very small increments so you can feel better about keeping your resolutions. This will decrease anxiety and depression, and prolong your life (As long as you don't gain too much)

2. Set Ridiculously Easy Goals.
I once got a fortune cookie that said "Keep your expectations reasonable". Though that cookie wasn't the most encouraging and optimistic fortune cookie ever, it at least had a point. (It should have been called a 'realistic cookie' or something.) Don't resolve to do something challenging or something you have to do on a consistent basis. Maybe make your resolution something you'll only do one time this year. Like "I resolve to go outside and smell one flower this year." That way you have a month to grow a flower, and 11 months to procrastinate about smelling it.

3. Resolve to do what you're already doing.
See, the problem with New Years resolutions is that people think that they need to change something, when indeed, they only need to resolve to do something. Why not resolve to stick with the Status Quo? If you make your New Years resolution something that your already doing, then you have absolutely no fear of flaking out! For instance, this year I'm resolving to always put milk on my cold cereal. No dry fruity O's for me, thank you very much.

4. Set ridiculous goals.
That way, if you forget or flake by '08, you won't be so disappointed, nor will your parents. I told my parents my wish to become ambidexterous by '08. My mom said it was a dumb goal. So she won't think less of me if I fail =).

5. Set Impossible Goals.
Resolve to do something you know you won't be able to achieve. Say you'll resolve to find a cure for Hippopotomonstrosesquepidaliophobia. (did I spell it right, Space?) Then pretend you're actually working on it. So instead of scolding you at the end of the year, your family and friends will look at you with sympathetic eyes and say "Well, at least you tried." Bam, you become a hero for doing nothing.

So there you have it. 5 golden keys to keeping your New Years resolutions. With these tips you should be able to achieve an endless horizon of great accomplishments...

As long as that horizon is really really small....

Have a....uuh....a good Christmas.

It's Christmas time again. I love Christmas time. It is a time to celebrate the birth of our saviour, despite the ACLU's attempts to nullify our salvation.

Some other things I love about Christmas is the music. Of all the genres of music, Christmas music is probably the most satisfying to me. My radio is currently turned to KZST, which during this season plays all Christmas music. Good stuff.

There is one song that is played rather frequently on KZST. It always starts rather suddenly with the enthusiastic voice of Alan Jackson yodeling through the boombox. The song I speak of is entitled "Holly Jolly Christmas"

The song itself makes absolutely no sense at all. Let's take a closer look...

Have a holly jolly Christmas

What exactly is a 'holly jolly' Christmas? Ok, well I'm inherently going to have a 'holly jolly' Christmas. I have one every year. Not only that, I have a Holly jolly Thanksgiving and a Holly jolly 4th of July and a Holly jolly Hannukah...but what of everyone else? Unfortunately, not everyone can be me for Christmas. They'll have to settle for just a plain ol' 'jolly' Christmas.

It's the best time of the year

Totally subjective. Jews, Jehovahs witnesses and the ACLU don't even celebrate Christmas, why should this time of the year be better than any other for them?

Well I don't know if there'll be snow

Welcome to my city. You, in fact, do know there will never be snow.

But have a cup of cheer

Cheer is abstract. It is not tangible. You can't put it in a cup any more than you can put love, dreams, remorse or music in a cup. You can't drink it either, cheer has most definitely not been approved by the FDA...

Have a holly jolly Christmas
And when you walk down the street

You should be inside on Christmas. Inside with your family. What are you doing on the street?

Say hello to friends you know

That's not fair. What about friends that I don't know? And what are my friends doing on the street?

And everyone you meet

Mommy said never talk to strangers...

Ho ho the mistletoe
Hung where you can see
Somebody waits for you
Kiss her once for me

Eeeh...First of all, I don't think anyone will wait for me under mistletoe. Those who know me well enough would know I would never comply to such behavior, and those who don't know me....well...would certainly not be waiting under mistletoe for me. Aside from that, I highly doubt someone waiting for me under mistletoe would be a her.
And who is 'you' anyway? Kiss your own, I'm not doing it for you.

Have a holly jolly Christmas
And in case you didn't hear

I heard. It's at the beginning of every verse. How could I not have heard?

Oh bygolly have a holly jolly Christmas This year

Well readers, you heard the guy. I hope you all have a holly jolly Christmas...

Or...whatever your name is.

-Hol