Britney Spears - Oops, She Did It Again.

We here at GAG believe that rather than dwelling on the past, we should look to the future. We cannot forget, however, that as we look, most likely we will see people of the present dying in the future. As is said, "9 out of every 10 people who live, die, and the tenth person's odds aren't so hot either." Therefore everyone, from the lowliest poopsmith to the highest-ranking celebrities in daytime soap operas must, yes, eventually die. But the question is, "How?" Many people try to answer, but only one may be true. In our series of fake, future obituaries, we here at GAG will attempt to predict the inevitable, but will it be true? Only time may tell.


Britney Spears - Oops, She Did It Again.

After an unprecedented second death, Britney Spears puts herself back on the charts as the only celebrity to die twice in the same year.

Britney's first death occurred in a tragic accident in late 2007, while on the set of the attempted sequel to the Dukes of Hazzard film, "The Dukes of Hazzard: Less Duking, More Hazzard" in which Ms. Spears was brought in to replace Jessica Simpson after her equally tragic death due to a broadway accident earlier that year.

"I don't know what happened," said co-star Johnny Knoxville on Spears' death, "Those boots just weren't made for walking, I guess."

The film was never released.

After her first death, Spears was resurrected through a series of drawn-out, ritualistic, lengthy, hypnagogic and quite possibly satanic chants, performed by the infamously secretive Cult of the Lost Hollywood Actor, allegedly comprised of former child actors who never hit it big. The resurrection, had the reaction of reducing the overall size of Ms. Spears' brain, giving her, in effect, a permanent "blonde moment." Her agents, however, believed to also belong to the cult, were cunning. Cunning enough, in fact, to produce live, unscripted footage of Spears and her current boyfriend discussing provolone, creating a commercial rivaling in brilliance even Jessica Simpson's "Is it fish, or chicken?" commercials of 2006. The leader of the Cult of the Lost Hollywood Actor, Kurt Russell, who still wishes to remain anonymous, had this to say amidst the tears:

"She wasn't a girl, but wasn't yet a woman. She might have been the last to know, but someday, someday she will understand. It was her against the music, you know? She loved rock and roll. Every time she got out outrageous she drove me crazy, but it was like she was born to make us happy. We were lucky to have her, and we're stronger because of it. I think she saw it as her prerogative, you know?"

July 28th, 2016, Britney Spears passed away due to a fatal fall and injury to the brain.
Reports say that Spears was in her room fixing her hair, getting ready to go out partying, when the fumes from the hairspray became intoxicating due to a design flaw, causing a leak on the side of the can. Unfortunately, so much spray had already been used, that Spear's hair became solidified, and shatter upon impact with the floor. The reverberation of which caused half of her brain to simply slide out of her left nostril.

According to the autopsy of Ms. Spears, performed by intern medical examiner Eugene Gearson, the cause of death was excessive intake of pytocalcious, a common chemical in hair sprays, which caused several of the vital nerves in her medulla oblongata to become diffused and stiff, therefore snapping off on point of impact. After which, the rebound off the ground when Spears' hair hit the ground caused such an effect that the entirety of her frontal lobe and parts of her corpus collosum to slide out her incredibly well-kept nasal passages.
"Let's face it," Said Gearson, "She was just too toxic."

Gearson proceeded to laugh in a frat-boy-just-out-of-med-schoolish way. Pausing to take full note of the situation, examiner Gearson added hypothetically,
“Drugs may have had something to do with it, too. She wasn't exactly overprotected.”

No further questioning has taken place.


Although no one was able to "Do Somethin," Ms. Spears will be remembered for the rest of our lives, if not for the rest of time itself, and various remixes of "Oops, I did it again," "From the bottom of my Broken Heart," and "... Baby, One More Time."