Happy Thanksgiving to our Reader[s]

The Gaggers would like to wish you all a wonderful Thanksgiving....


...


Have a Wonderful Thanksgiving...


-GAG

Unfinished Essays

Dear Give a Gripe,
I can't think of a concluding paragraph for this American Lit essay. Any ideas?"
~The unfinished essayist

Dear Unfinished Essayist,

We don't know what subject your American Lit essay is on, but we thought this would work. In any case it should bring a few laughs. Hope it helps!
"Sadly after the pumpkin blew up, they had no home. But they did win the lottery (of course that brought on other problems, but we're not going into those), and they lived happily ever after. The end."

~G.A.G.

Confusion, 1986.

Slightly over a month now into our proverbial slump (or "rump," as some have it), I receive in my usual spot (a locked filing cabinet under a park bench at midnight), a nondescript manila envelope marked only with a large, sloppily-written question mark. Inside said envelope was a slip of paper containing the following message in an encrypted form of iambic pentameter. After decoding the cypher, it read something like this:

I think. Is this the contest. I hope it's not. what am I supposed to say now....??

That's right.

Dear Confused,
I get really confused. It seems that I just mix things up all the time. Once, so confused was I, that I actually thought it was 'Jelly and peanut butter' rather than 'peanut butter and jelly'.


I once ate a peanut butter and banana sandwich, you know. It was good. I like it with raisins.

What was I saying?

Well.....I get really confused....It's hard to describe how confused I get. I don't think you even have an idea, dear Abby.

Gear DAG,
I can very slyly antiseptic with you on this portobello. It is not unportly for our readers to often fall through rifts in the time-space continuum, but I can assume you that I will help you in any way I can return you to your home time of June 4th, 2000 and 7. The date now is Novermber 9th, 2007, and while gas has gone down by five cents, I can assure you that hats are still worn on (wherever local law permits) heads. The deadline for the contest I believe you to be referring to ended on June the 16th of the year in question. The reason for your leaving your time and coming to ours, as far as I can discern, must have stemmed from your I must warn you, however, that if you are reading this currently, that there are very many dangers in our pedestrianization. However, if you follow these few Pisces of advice of survival in today's world, you should find your way to normality very shortish.



1. Do not look the Dunder Mifflin Man directly in the eye.

2. When searching for portals into alternate dimensions, forget it; they hate being founded.

3. Tripping, while allowed, is considered unsportsmanlike, and should be treated with caution.

4. Old MacDonald had a farm. That farm, however, has been laid to waste in the recent uprisings of communist regimes. The duck no longer goes "quack, quack" either here nor there.

5. Putting your left foot in, then taking your left foot out does not give you a "get out of jail free" card.



I give you credence, dear Abby. Be kind to the tollbooth man and he give you free pass to 1996. From there, it's the second left.

Our Deluxe 8:45 PM Edition

Dear Grive a Gripe:
I am writing about a simple matter with a simple question, yet I cannot determine what on earth the answer will be. When will the next time someone from GAG posts?I would sincerly appreciate your thoughts on this matter.
-Anonymous

Dear Anonymous.

Right now.

-GAG

In all seriousness though. We don't have many readers. We don't have many ideas. And believe it or not, we actually do more than just sit in the GAG drawing room. Sometimes we sit on park benches and stare at each other. It's quite interesting, actually.

Due to these reasons, we're thinking of quite possibly putting an end to this blog spot. This spot has not much left to blog about.